Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Willy Brandt, a former German chancellor, once said: “If I’m selling to you, I speak your language. If I’m buying, dann muessen Sie Deutsch sprechen [then you must speak German].”
Grammar Time 6 Student’s Book
Author: Jervis, Sandy
Publisher: Longman
Format: Paperback
ISBN-10: 058277599X
ISBN-13: 9780582775992
Publication Date: 2003
Price: £11.70
Description: Grammar Time is specifically designed to make grammar relevant to young learners and primary classrooms.
Students will…
find grammar fun with humorous cartoons and photographs introducing and practising language
stay keen and interested to learn with enjoyable, varied and realistic activities
Teachers will…
make their lessons well-planned and varied with quizzes, guidance and keys in the Teacher’s Book
person with an alternative body image: fat
alternative dentation false teeth
aurally inconvenienced deaf
canine American dog living in the USA
career change opportunity redundancy
cerebrally challenged stupid
charm-free boring
chemically inconvenienced drunk
chronologically challenged old
in an orderly transition between career changes unemployed
incomplete success failure
indefinitely idled unemployed
individual with temporarily unmet objectives a failure (person)
inoperative statement mistake
involuntarily leisured unemployed
involuntarily undomiciled homeless
least best worst
metabolically different dead
morally different evil
motivationally deficient lazy
negative patient care outcome death
non-living person corpse
negative saver spendthrift
non-traditional shopper shoplifter
optically inconvenienced blind
A Criminal - unsavory character A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged Abortion - Near-Life Experience Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist Alive - temporarily metabolically able. An Immigrant - a newcomer Assassination - involuntary term limitation Bald - comb-free Bald - folically independent Bald - follicularly challenged. Battle Fatigued - shellshocked Blind - optically darker Blind - photonically non-receptive Blind - visually challenged Body Odor - nondiscretionary fragrance. Broken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family Bum - Displaced Homeowner Bum - Homeless Person Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining Censorship - Selective Speech Cheating - Academic Dishonesty China - Porcelain Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged Clumsy - uniquely coordinated Commercial Fisherman - Flipper Whipper Computer Illiterate - Technologically Challenged Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass Corpse / Stiff - Metabolically Challenged Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced Cowardly - Challenge Challenged Cowboys - bovine control officers Crackpot - certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist Crime Rate - street activity index Dead - Actuarially Mature Dead - biologically challenged Dead - environmentally correct human Dead - living impaired Dead - metabolically challenged Dead - persons living with entropy Deaf - Visually Oriented Delicatessen - Corpse Farm Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer Dishonest - Ethically disoriented. Dorm - Residence Hall Drooling Drunk Idiot - person on floor Drowning - aquatically challenged Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged Drunk - spacially perplexed Drunk / Junkie - in recovery Earthquake - geological correction Fail - achieve a deficiency. Fat - Differently Weighted Fat - gravitationally challenged Fat - horizontally challenged. Fat - horizontally gifted Fat - People of Mass Fat - person of substance Fictional / Mythological - ontologically challenged Freshman - first-year student Frog - amphibian American Full of Crap - fecally plenary Gang - Youth Group Garbage Man - sanitation engineer Gas Station Attendent - petroleum transfer technician Geek, Nerd, whatever... - socially challenged Ghetto / Barrio - Ethnically Homogenous Area Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh Handicapped - Differently Abled, Handi-Capable Having PMS - cyclically challenged Hearing Person - temporarily aurally abled Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers Homeless - residentially flexible Homelessness - Mortgage-Free Living Housebroken - Family Disfunction Housewife - domestic engineer Hunter - Animal Assassin Hunter - Bambi Butcher Hunter - Meat Mercenary Ignorant - factually unencumbered Ignorant - knowledge-based nonpossessor. Incompetent - Differently Qualified Incompetent - Specially Skilled Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient Insane People - Mental Explorers Insane People - Selectively Perceptive Insult - Emotional Rape Janitor - sanitation engineer Klutz - kinesthetically challenged Large Nose - nasally gifted Lazy - motivationally dispossessed Lazy - motivationally deficient. Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability Library - Educational Resource Center Logger - Wood Weasel Logger - Paper Pirate Logger -Treeslayer Loser - Second Place Loser - uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path Man-hole - maintenance hole Mankind - humankind Mankind, Human, Person - Earth Children Mercy Killing - Euthanasia Mercy Killing - Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery Messy - differently organized Meter Maid - Parking enforcer Midget / Dwarf - Little People Midget / Dwarf - Vertically Challenged Mute/Dumb - verbally challenged Not with somebody at the moment - romantically challenged Off - energy-efficient Old - chronologically gifted Old Person / Elderly - Gerontologically Advanced Old Person / Elderly - Senior Citizens Panhandler - Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding. Paper Bag - processed tree carcass Perverted - Sexually dysfunctional. Pimp-mobile / Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option Plagiarism - Previously Owned Prose Po' - financially inept Policeman, Policewoman - law enforcement officer Poor - economically marginalized Poor - Economically Unprepared Poor - monetarily challenged Postman - letter carrier Pregnant - parasitically oppressed. Prisoner - client of the correctional system Prostitute - sex care provider Psychobabble - constructivist feminist psychotherapy Psychopath - socially misaligned Racist - genetically discriminating Really Big Nosed - nasally disadvantaged Redneck - person of region Redneck - rustically inclined Refugees - asylum seekers Road Kill - Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form Rudeness - Tact Avoidance Runny Nose - nasally gifted Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim Serial-Killer - Person with difficult-to-meet needs. Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist Short - vertically challenged Sighted Person - temporarily visually abled Slum - Economic Oppression Zone Slut - suffering from a sex addiction (female) Someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone - morally handicapped Spendthrift - negative saver. Stained - creatively re-dyed Steward, Stewardess - flight attendant Stoned - Chemically inconvenienced. Stud - suffering from a sex addiction (male) Stupid - differently-brained Stupid - intellectually impaired The Elderly - Senior citizens Thin - horizontally challenged Thirsty - osmotically challenged Tone Deaf - musically delayed Too old/young - other aged Too Tall - people of height Tree-Hugger - environmental activist Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units Ugly - aesthetically challenged Ugly - Cosmetically different. Ugly - facially challenged Unemployed - Involuntarily leisured. Used Books - Recycled Books Vagrant - Nonspecifically destinationed individual. Vegetable - noble unconscious hero Vice President - Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World Vocal Minority - target equity group Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices Waiter, Waitress - food server War-Monger - Peacekeeper, patriot Welfare Bum - economically disadvantaged Whaler - Blubber Lover White - melanin-impoverished White American - racially challenged White Boy - rhythmically challenged White Trash - caucasian culturally-disadvantaged Wife - unpaid sex slave Worst - least best. Wrong - differently logical. Politically Correct Terms For Females: Her breasts will never sag; they will lose their vertical hold. She does not get drunk, she is accidentally over served or she becomes verbally dyslexic. She does not get PMS, she becomes hormonally homicidal. She does not hate sports on TV, she is athletically biased. She does not have a great butt, she is gluteus to the maximus. She does not have a hard body, she is anatomically inflexible. She does not have a killer body, she is terminally attractive. She does not have big hair, she is overly aero soled. She does not have big hooters, her cups runneth over. She does not have great cleavage or a great rack, her breasts are centrally located. She does not have sexy lips, she is collagen dependent. She does not shave her legs, she experiences temporary stubble reduction. She does not shop too much; she is overly susceptible to marketing ploys. She does not snore, she is nasally repetitive. She does not sun bathe, she experiences solar enhancement. She does not wear too much makeup, she is cosmetically oversaturated. She does not work out too much, she is an abdominal overachiever. She does not: Get Drunk, She becomes Verbally Dyslexic She is not a bad cook, she is microwave compatible. She is not a bad driver, she is automotively challenged. She is not A Gossip, She is a Verbal Terminator She is not a gossip, she is a verbal terminator. She is not a Perfect 10, she is numerically superior. She is not cold or frigid, she is thermally incompatible. She is not easy, she is horizontally accessible. She is not hooked on soap operas, she is melodramatically fixated. She is not too skinny, she is skeletally prominent. She will never gain weight; she will become a metabolic underachiever. You do not ask her to dance; you request a precoital rhythmic experience. Politically Correct Terms For Males: He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility. He does not: Hog the blankets He is: Thermally unappreciative He is not: Unsophisticated He is: Socially malformed He does not: Eat like a pig He suffers from: Reverse bulimia He is not: A sex machine He is: Romantically automated He is not a: Male chauvinist pig He has: Swine empathy He is not: Quiet He is a: Conversational minimalist You do not: Undress him with your eyes You have a: Introspective pornographic moment He is not: Afraid of commitment He is: Monogamously challenged He does not have a: Fabulous rear end He has achieved: Buttocks perfection He is not: Stupid He suffers from: Minimal cranial development He does not: Get lost all the time He discovers: Alternative destinations He is not: Balding He is in: Follicle regression You do not: Buy him a drink You initiate an: Alcohol-For-Conversation exchange He does not: Fart and belch He is: Gastronomically expressive His jeans are not: Too tight He is: Anatomically under circulated He is not a: Redneck He is a: Geneticallyrelated American You do not: Kiss him You become: Facially conjoined He is not a: Cradle robber He prefers: Generationally differential relationships He does not get: Falling down drunk He becomes: Accidentally horizontal He does not: Act like a total jerk He develops a: Case of rectal-cranial inversion He is not: Short He is: Anatomically compact He does not have a: Rich daddy He is a: Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion He does not: Constantly talk about cars He has a: Vehicular addiction He does not have a: Hot body He is: Physically combustible Politically Correct Phrases For Students: No one fails a class any more; he's merely "passing impaired." You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed." Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's just "passage restrictive." These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined." Your locker isn't overflowing with junk; it's just "closure prohibitive." Kids don't get grounded any more. They merely "hit social speed bumps." Your homework isn't missing, it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience." You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness." You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time." You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear." No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced." You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective." You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal." You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations." It's not called gossip any more. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information." The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged." Politically Correct Terms For Cat Owners: My cat does not barf hairballs he is a floor/rug redecorator My cat does not break things she helps gravity do its job My cat does not fear dogs they are merely sprint practice tools My cat does not gobble she eats with alacrity My cat does not scratch he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator My cat does not yowl he is singing off-key My cat is not a "shedding machine" she is a hair relocation stylist My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile" she enjoys the proximity of food My cat is not a bed hog he is a mattress appreciator My cat is not a chatterbox she is advising me on what to do next My cat is not a dope addict she is catnip appreciative My cat is not a lap fungus he is bed selective My cat is not a pest she is attention deprived My cat is not a ruthless hunter she is a wildlife control expert My cat is not evil she is badness enhanced My cat is not fat he is mass enhanced My cat is not hydrophobic she has an inability to appreciate moisture My cat is not lazy he is motivationally challenged My cat is not underfoot she is leading me to my next destination (the food dish!) 'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas: 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing that might be construed to pollute. to aim. Nothing to shoot. that clamored or made lots of noise. for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion; Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth." Politically Correct Seasons Greetings: Christmas Thoughts Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all ... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year _______, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee. - DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTABILITY (By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
|
|
A Criminal – unsavory character A Crook – morally (ethically) challenged Abortion – Near-Life Experience Alcoholic – Anti-Sobriety Activist Alive – temporarily metabolically abled. An Immigrant – a newcomer Assassination – involuntary term limitation Bald – comb-free Bald – folically independent Bald – follicularly challenged. Battle Fatigued – shellshocked Blind – optically darker Blind – photonically non-receptive Blind – visually challenged Body Odor – nondiscretionary fragrance. Broken Down Automobile – mechanically challenged Broken Home – Dysfunctional Family Bum – Displaced Homeowner Bum – Homeless Person Bum – Involuntarily Domiciled Cannibalism – Intra-Species Dining Censorship – Selective Speech Cheating – Academic Dishonesty China – Porcelain Chronically Late – Temporarily Challenged Clumsy – uniquely coordinated Commercial Fisherman – Flipper Whipper Computer Illiterate – Technologically Challenged Corpse – Permanently Static Post-Human Mass Corpse / Stiff – Metabolically Challenged Corpse / Stiff – Terminally Inconvenienced Cowardly – Challenge Challenged Cowboys – bovine control officers Crackpot – certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist Crime Rate – street activity index Dead – Actuarially Mature Dead – biologically challenged Dead – environmentally correct human Dead – living impaired Dead – metabolically challenged Dead – persons living with entropy Deaf – Visually Oriented Delicatessen – Corpse Farm Dirty Old Man – sexually focused chronologically gifted individual Dish Washer – utensil sanitizer Dishonest – Ethically disoriented. Dorm – Residence Hall Drooling Drunk Idiot – person on floor Drowning – aquatically challenged Drug Addict – Chemically Challenged Drunk – spacially perplexed Drunk / Junkie – in recovery Earthquake – geological correction Fail – achieve a deficiency. Fat – Differently Weighted Fat – gravitationally challenged Fat – horizontally challenged. Fat – horizontally gifted Fat – People of Mass Fat – person of substance Fictional / Mythological – ontologically challenged Freshman – first-year student Frog – amphibian American Full of Crap – fecally plenary Gang – Youth Group Garbage Man – sanitation engineer Gas Station Attendent – petroleum transfer technician Geek, Nerd, whatever… – socially challenged Ghetto / Barrio – Ethnically Homogenous Area Hamburger – Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh Handicapped – Differently Abled, Handi-Capable Having PMS – cyclically challenged Hearing Person – temporarily aurally abled Homeless – outdoor urban dwellers Homeless – residentially flexible Homelessness – Mortgage-Free Living Housebroken – Family Disfunction Housewife – domestic engineer Hunter – Animal Assassin Hunter – Bambi Butcher Hunter – Meat Mercenary Ignorant – factually unencumbered Ignorant – knowledge-based nonpossessor. Incompetent – Differently Qualified Incompetent – Specially Skilled Incompetent – Uniquely Proficient Insane People – Mental Explorers Insane People – Selectively Perceptive Insult – Emotional Rape Janitor – sanitation engineer Klutz – kinesthetically challenged Large Nose – nasally gifted Lazy – motivationally dispossessed Lazy – motivationally deficient. Learning Disability – Self-Paced Cognitive Ability Library – Educational Resource Center Logger – Wood Weasel Logger – Paper Pirate Logger -Treeslayer Loser – Second Place Loser – uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path Man-hole – maintenance hole Mankind – humankind MANkind, HuMAN, PerSON – Earth Children Mercy Killing – Euthanasia Mercy Killing – Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery Messy – differently organized Meter Maid – Parking enforcer Midget / Dwarf – Little People Midget / Dwarf – Vertically Challenged Mute/Dumb – verbally challenged Not with somebody at the moment – romantically challenged - Off – energy-efficient Old – chronologically gifted Old Person / Elderly – Gerontologically Advanced Old Person / Elderly – Senior Citizens Panhandler – Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding. Paper Bag – processed tree carcass Perverted – Sexually dysfunctional. Pimp-mobile / Low-rider – Culturally Responsive Transportation Option Plagiarism – Previously Owned Prose Po’ – financially inept Policeman, Policewoman – law inforcement officer Poor – economically marginalized Poor – Economically Unprepared Poor – monetarily challenged Postman – letter carrier Pregnant – parasitically oppressed. Prisoner – client of the correctional system Prostitute – sex care provider Psychobabble – constructivist feminist psychotherapy Psychopath – socially misaligned Racist – genetically discriminating Really Big Nosed – nasally disadvantaged Redneck – person of region Redneck – rustically inclined Refugees – asylum seekers Road Kill – Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form Rudeness – Tact Avoidance Runny Nose – nasally gifted Senile Bag o’ Bones – Alzheimer’s Victim Serial-Killer – Person with difficult-to-meet needs. Shoplifter – Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist Short – vertically challenged Sighted Person – temporarily visually abled Slum – Economic Oppression Zone Slut – suffering from a sex addiction (female) Someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone – morally handicapped Spendthrift – negative saver. Stained – creatively re-dyed Steward, Stewardess – flight attendant Stoned – Chemically inconvenienced. Stud – suffering from a sex addiction (male) Stupid – differently-brained Stupid – intellectually impaired The Elderly – Senior citizens Thin – horizontally challenged Thirsty – osmotically challenged Tone Deaf – musically delayed Too old/young – other aged Too Tall – people of height Tree-Hugger – environmental activist Trees – Oxygen Exchange Units Ugly – aesthetically challenged Ugly – Cosmetically different. Ugly – facially challenged Unemployed – Involuntarily leisured. Used Books – Recycled Books Vagrant – Nonspecifically destinationed individual. Vegetable – noble unconscious hero Vice President – Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World Vocal Minority – target equity group Vomiting – Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices Waiter, Waitress – food server War-Monger – Peacekeeper, patriot Welfare Bum – economically disadvantaged Whaler – Blubber Lover White – melanin-impoverished White American – racially challenged White Boy – rhythmically challenged White Trash – caucasian culturally-disadvantaged Wife – unpaid sex slave Worst – least best. Wrong – differently logical. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Politically Correct Dictionary
[The article reproduced hereafter is of unknown origin. If you know the source kindly let us know. This version for class use only; no reproduction or printing allowed.]
Bag boy: agricultural product organizer.
Bald: follicularly challenged.
Bedroom: isolated encompassing quarters of dormatorical actions.
Blind: visually challenged; sight impaired.
Bomb: vertically deployed antipersonnel device.
Boy: oppressor-to-be.
Brainwashing: cognitive accommodation.
Broken: mechanically challenged.
Cafeteria: dining facility.
Car: earth-unfriendly vertically-challenged mode of transport.
Car Wash Worker: vehicle-appearance specialist.
Cat: quadruped non-human associate; mouse extermination engineer.
Chair: comfortable elevation device.
Cheating: cooperative assignment.
Clumsy: uniquely coordinated.
Computer: machine bearing immense power and fallibility.
Conservative: reactionary.
Cook: digestably-delicious-chemical creation specialist.
Cowboy: bovine control officers.
Crackpot: certified past-life regression hypnotist; certified crystal therapist.
Criticism: unjust self-esteem reducer.
Crook: ethically challenged.
Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
Dead: metabolically challenged; living impaired; environmentally correct; living with entropy.
Deaf: aurally challenged; hearing impaired.
Demand: propose strongly.
Derision: nontraditional praise.
Dictionary: helpful word source mechanism.
Dirty Old Man: sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.
Drowning: aquatically challenged.
Drunk: spacially perplexed.
Dumb: cerebrally challenged.
Evil: niceness deprived.
Exercise: body enhancement through exertion.
Failure: non-traditional success.
Farming: exploiting mother earth.
Fart: human ozone depletor; ecologically incorrect expression.
Fat: gravitationally challenged; horizontally gifted; person of substance; big boned alternative body image.
Fishing: raping the oceans.
Frog: amphibian American.
Garbage collector: sanitation engineer.
Gas station attendant: petroleum transfer technician.
Geek: socially challenged.
Girl: pre-woman.
Guess: anomaly maneuver; iterative prediction.
Handicapped: physically challenged.
Heroine: hera.
Homeless: residentially flexible; outdoor urban dweller.
Hurricane: himmicane (non sexist).
Ignorant: factually unencumbered.
Impotent: erectionally challenged.
Incorrect: alternative answer.
Individualism: uncooperative spirit.
Information: overly structured trivia.
Insane: reality challenged.
Kill: creating a permanent state of metabolic dormancy; servicing the target (military).
Lazy: motivationally dispossessed.
Light: vicinity enlightening device.
Loser: uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path.
Lost: locationally disadvantaged.
Man: oppressor.
Manhole: maintenance portal.
Messy: differently organized.
Misunderstanding: personalized interpretation.
Monitor: electron-activated flourescent-illuminating mind-melting apparatus.
Monster: person of scales.
Mugging: unforeseen funding of underclass.
Murderer: termination specialist.
Mute: verbally challenged.
Mythomaniac: ontologically challenged.
Nerd: under-attractive cerebrally gifted individual.
Nitpicky: humor challenged.
Numismatist: capitalist monetary acquisition expert.
Nut: hexagonal rotatable surface compression unit.
Off: energy efficient.
Old: chronologically gifted.
Paper bag: processed tree carcass.
Perfume: discretionary fragrance.
Pervert: person engaged in nontraditional espionage.
Pissed off: satisfaction deprived.
Political: amorally gifted.
Poor: economically marginalized; monetarily challenged; financially inept.
Pregnancy: parasitic oppression.
Prisoner: client of the correctional system.
Prostitute: body entrepreneur; sex care provider.
Psychobabble: constructivist feminist psychotherapy.
Psychopath: socially misaligned.
Racist: genetically discriminating.
Ranch: cattle murdering neighborhood.
Redneck: rustically inclined; person of region.
Reactionary: conservative.
Rich: economically maximized.
Secretary: stationery engineer.
Sex: cooperative physical fitness.
Sexist: gender biased with niceness deprived overtones.
Short: altitudinally disadvantaged: vertically challenged
Single: romantically challenged
Sleepy: under-alert.
Slut: female sex addict.
Smart: cerebrally gifted.
Specialist: physician having concentrated on a particular field of tax shelters.
Stained: creatively re-dyed.
Structure: impersonal hindrance.
Stud: male sex addict.
Stupid: intellectually impaired; differently-brained.
Tall: vertically gifted; altitudinally endowed.
Teacher: volunteer knowledge conveyor.
Teaching: personality repression.
Television: medium of electrons moving in disorganized patterns.
Tired: rest-challenged.
Thin: horizontally challenged.
Thirsty: osmotically challenged.
Tone deaf: musically delayed.
Uglier: over under-attractive.
Ugliest: over-under-attractively gifted.
Ugly: aesthetically challenged; facially challenged; under-attractive.
Unemployed: non-waged.
Unsure: conceptual conflict.
Vocal minority: target equity group.
Waiter: waitron.
Waitress: waitron.
White: melanin-impoverished; member of the mutant albino genetic-recessive global minority.
White boy: rhythmically challenged.
White trash: culturally-disadvantaged caucasian.
Windows user: microslothicly challenged.
Woman: w/o man; womyn.
Zipper: interlocking slide fastener.
Dirty Old Man: Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.
Perverted: Sexually dysfunctional.
Panhandler: Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.
Serial-Killer: Person with difficult-to-meet needs.
Lazy: Motivationally deficient.
Fat: Horizontally challenged.
Fail: Acheive a deficiency.
Dishonest: Ethically disoriented.
Clumsy: Uniquely coordinated.
Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance.
Worst: Least best.
Wrong: Differently logical.
Ugly: Cosmetically different.
Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.
Short: Vertically challanged.
Dead: Living impaired.
Vagrant: Nonspecifically destinationed individual.
Spendthrift: Negative saver.
Stoned: Chemically inconvenienced.
TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK”
She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
2. She is not a “SCREAMER” or a “MOANER”
She is “VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.”
3. She is not “EASY”
She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
4. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE”
She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY.”
5. She has not “BEEN AROUND”
She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”
6. She is not an “AIRHEAD”
She is “REALITY IMPAIRED.”
7. She does not get “DRUNK” or “TIPSY”
She gets “CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.”
8. She does not have “BREAST IMPLANTS”
She is “MEDICALLY ENHANCED.”
9. She does not “NAG” you
She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
10. She is not a “TRAMP”
She is “SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.”
11. She does not have “MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS”
She is “PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.”
12. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER”
She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a “BEER GUT”
He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
2. He is not a “BAD DANCER”
He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME”
He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”
4. He is not “BALDING”
He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
5. He is not a “CRADLE ROBBER”
He prefers “GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.”
6. He does not get “FALLING-DOWN DRUNK”
He becomes “ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.”
7. He does not have his “HEAD UP HIS ASS”
He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
8. He is not a “MALE CHAUVINIST PIG”
He has “SWINE EMPATHY.”
9. He is not afraid of “COMMITMENT”
He has “MARRIAGE DEFICIT DISORDER.”
10. He is not “HORNY”
He is “SEXUALLY FOCUSED.”
11. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants
It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE”
Mankind, Human: Earth Children
Woman: Womyn
Girl: Pre-Womyn
Dirty Old Man: Sexually Focused, Chronologically Gifted Individual
Psychopath: Socially Misaligned
Perverted: Sexually Dysfunctional
Serial-Killer: Person with Difficult-to-meet Needs
Insane People: Selectively Perceptive Mental Explorers
Bisexual: Sexually Non-preferential
Lazy: Motivationally Deficient
Self-centered: Egotistically Accelerated
Narrow-minded: Perceptually Challenged
Fat: Horizontally Challenged, Alternative Body Image
Obese: Gravitationally Challenged
Fail: Achieve a Deficiency
Dishonest: Ethically Disoriented
Bald: Follicularly Challenged, Follically Disadvantaged, Comb-Free
Blind: Visually Challenged, Photonically Non-receptive, Optically Darker
Clumsy: Uniquely Coordinated
Body Odor: Nondiscretionary Fragrance
Alive: Temporarily Metabolically-abled
Worst: Least Best
Wrong: Differently Logical
Ugly: Cosmetically Different, Aesthetically Challenged
Short: Vertically Challenged, Differently Statured
Old Person / Elderly: 4th-Dimentionally Extended, Gerontologically Advanced
Dead People: Dysfunctional Earth Children, Biologically Challenged, Living
impaired, metabolically different, Metaphysically Challenged
Vagrant: Nonspecifically Destinationed Individual
Spendthrift: Negative Saver
Gang: Youth Group
Drug addict : Chemically Challenged
Stoned: Chemically Inconvenienced
Net addict : Cybernetically Challenged
Drunk/Trashed: Spatially Perplexed
Pregnant: Parasitically Oppressed
Ignorant: Knowledge-based Nonpossessor
Trees: Oxygen Exchange Units
Tree-Hugger: Environmental Activist
Logger: Wood Weasel, Paper Pirate, Treeslayer
Paper bag: Processed Tree Carcass
Meter Maid: Parking Enforcement Aduciator
Post Man: Post Person
Mail Man: Person Person
Housewife: Domestic Engineer
Dish washer: Utensil Sanitizer
Janitor: Sanitation Engineer
Poor: Economically Unprepared
Panhandler: Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.
Unemployed: Involuntarily Leisured
Bum: Displaced Homeowner, Philosophy Major
Thanks to Disciple Anita for this contribution towards Guru’s quest for the best HR jokes.
It’s not a joke, as such, but an amusing parable on the modern age.
Memo From Human Resources Re Political CorrectnessIt has come to our attention that some members of staff are making politically incorrect comments to fellow employees, and even business contacts. Detailed below are some general guidelines in this matter, together with a glossary of politically correct terms.
Staff are asked to assess the group of people they are speaking with make some effort to gauge who might be offended by what.
If employees insist on cracking jokes, they should select only jokes that seem appropriate for the group in question. Avoid racial, ethnic, sexual or any other type of humour that may make certain audience members feel uncomfortable. The company will no longer accept the excuse that your immediate line manager was the one who told you the joke in the first place.
Staff are asked to make an extra effort to be politically correct around people they have not met before, especially potential new clients and future employees of the company.
Politically Correct Glossary of Terms
Please note that you should not describe an employee as ‘lazy’. The person concerned should be referred to as ‘motivationally deficient’.
Someone does not ‘fail’ – they ‘acheive a deficiency’.
Colleagues are not ‘dishonest’ – they are ‘ethically disoriented’.
Please do not use the word ‘wrong’ – try ‘differently logical’.
Instead of ‘ugly’, try saying ‘cosmetically different’.
For ‘unemployed’, say ‘involuntarily leisured’.
Also…
Dead = living impaired
Miser = negative saver
Ignorant = knowledge-based non-possessor
Unsophisticated = socially malformed
Some of our male colleagues have complained of being referred to in a politically incorrect manner, and staff are asked to adhere to the following:
A male member of staff does not have ‘a fat beer gut’. He has developed a ‘liquid grain storage facility’.
He does not ‘sleep around’, he is merely ‘horizontally over-generous’.
He is not a ‘cradle snatcher’, but simply prefers ‘generationally differential relationships’.
He does not ‘stink’, he suffers from ‘hygiene aversion syndrome’.
He is not a ‘groping pervert’, but merely suffers from ‘compulsive hand movement disorder’.
He does not tell ‘endless, boring, unfunny jokes’, but is simply ‘humourly over-confident’.
He doesn’t ‘eat like a pig’, but has ‘reverse bulimia’.
And finally, staff should be respectful when speaking to female colleagues too:
Please note that a female staffer is not a ‘moaner’, she is merely ‘vocally unappreciative’.
She does not have ‘breast implants’, but is ‘medically enhanced’.
She is not a ‘nag’, she simply becomes ‘orally repetitive’.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Here are my picks for the best English-language films from 1930 to the present. I consider all genres — drama, comedy, documentary, fantasy, westerns, et al. — with no set number of titles.
Pictures are listed, year by year, in “best first” order. For each decade, the top pick gets a gold star 
, while the 10 Best Films are in red and followed by an asterisk*, and runners-up are italicized and listed in the right-most column. I focus on works in English from the US, UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc., as well as “foreign” directors – such as Ophüls, Antonioni, Polanski – working in English, because of greater access to those films; but many of the finest pictures I’ve seen are either not in my native tongue or from the Silent Era (see 50 Landmarks of Film History and “10 Best” lists).
Decades: 2000s | 1990s | 1980s | 1970s | 1960s | 1950s | 1940s | 1930s
2000s — The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Jackson / 2001–2003) |
||
2007
PLEASE NOTE: My list of 2007 films will not be finalized until late 2008
2006
2005
2004
|
2003
2002
2001
2000
|
 
2000s Runners-Up (in “best first” order)
|
 |
||
1990s — The Piano (Campion / 1993) |
||
1999
1998
1997
1996
1995
|
1994
1993
1992
1991
1990
|
1990s Runners-Up (best first)
|
|
||
1980s — Raging Bull (Scorsese / 1980) |
||
| 1989 – 0
1988 – 0 1987
1986
1985 – 0 1984
1983 – 0 1982
1981
1980
|
1980s Runners-Up (best first)
|
|
|
||
1970s — A Clockwork Orange (Kubrick / 1971) |
||
1979
1978
1977
1976
1975
|
1974
1973
1972
1971
1970
|
1970s Runners-Up (best first)
|
|
||
1960s — 2001: A Space Odyssey (Kubrick / 1968) |
||
1969
1968
1967
1966
1965
|
1964
1963
1962
1961
1960
|
1960s Runners-Up (best first)
|
|
||
1950s — North by Northwest (Hitchcock / 1959) |
||
1959
1958
1957
1956
1955
|
1954
1953
1952
1951
1950
|
1950s Runners-Up (best first)
|
|
||
1940s — Citizen Kane (Welles / 1941) |
||
1949
1948
1947
1946
1945
|
1944
1943
1942
1941
1940
|
1940s Runners-Up (best first)
|
|
||
1930s — Bringing Up Baby (Hawks / 1938) |
||
1938
1937
1936
1935
Best Films of 2008The Dark Knight Gomorrah Man On Wire There Will Be Blood Time and Winds |
1934
1933
1932
1931
1930
|
1930s Runners-Up (best first)
|
